The Film Noir Experience

I feel awkward. That's really the only way to describe it. I feel like I've breached some sort of etiquette, like a skipped over a protocol. It is more likely that what I am feeling is that I do not believe that I am living up to my potential and I am unsure as to how I should proceed. How do I go about applying for PhD programs? I know how to request paperwork and fill things out. I even know how to ask people for letters of reference/recommendation (or, at least I think I do) but, how do I contact people and tell them that even though I've done fuck all with the last year of my life.

I feel like, by the time a person gets to be my age, they should have a little something to show for all the that they've done. I don't feel like I do. I suppose this is something at everyone feels at some point. I'm sure, like a good grown up I'll either get over it or I'll learn to fake being over it well enough that I'll pull my shit together and come up with some reasonable explanation as to why I've been such a fuck up. Its just, right now, I feel awkward.