Random Thoughts
I am sitting here, in the front room of the house that I rent with Boyfriend and Housemate, waiting for it to be the right time for me to call my Parents.
We like to pre-arrange times for phone calls, so that, if possible everyone can be present. If it works out, no one has to get up early or stay up too late. Days like today, lazy sunday afternoons when one doesn't do much anyway are highlighted by these phone calls.
The waiting was fine, until about half an hour ago, when Housemate and her boyfriend woke up and came downstairs. Its not that they bother me, its that I was enjoying the peace and quiet. Last night, after a wedding that lasted well into the night we went with Housemate and her boyfriend to a Rock Club where we met up with other wedding guests and I was reminded of two things:
1. I'm over going to clubs and being drunk and being surrounded by other similarly intoxicated people
2. Anais Nin once said, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
That is, more than likely a paraphrase.
And, those two things are related.
I think I'm angry all the time. I think that I'm also frequently bored. I even think that I'm resentful of this anger and this boredom. I think I'm resentful of doing the same things over and over again with people whom I don't really get and who don't share my life view or any desire to move forward with their lives.
Not that I want to condemn people who are happy with how their lives are and who wish to maintain them as they are. What I'm meaning to do is to say that I am the sort of person who wants to make plans and move forward and learn new things and explore. And, I don't want to always be angry. I don't want to be bored. I want to be focused. I want to be thorough. I want to be engaged and interested. I want to be able to ask questions and toss out ideas and I want to be able to discuss things.
I want to be able to make plans and move forward.
The wedding was wonderful. It was such a nice day. It was so good to be around vibrant and happy people that I care for very much and to celebrate the union of a Friend with his Love.
